How to Travel with a Typewriter
Candid captures by Mei Lai in Greenpoint, Brooklyn at a five year old’s birthday party
I have been a literary mercenary for seven years now, which means my typewriter(s) and I have been all over the world together, through thick and thin, through ribbon and platen.
As my poetic agency grows and I send my poets to far flung lands to write improv poems on their typewriters, they often ask me how best to manage their machines in motion.
After years of giving such advice piecemeal and one-on-one, I finally decided to compile my most helpful tips and ardent warnings as to the art of traveling with a typewriter, by plane, train, automobile, boat, bus, bike, horse, and foot.
Some of the rules overlap of course, so use your own judgement for heaven’s sake.
By Air
The DOs
Choose a machine that is relatively light. This is much more important than how compact it is, because even a larger machine that takes up more space is preferable to a smaller one that is heavier, when you consider carrying it for the equivalent of miles and miles and having to lift it overhead, etc.
Check what your airline’s baggage policy is. If you are obsessed with economy travel like I am, this is a no-brainer because many flights now limit you to a single personal item. Unless you are an ultra light traveler, you want to avoid those airlines. My faves for baggage policies, service, and overall experience are Delta and JetBlue.
Remove your typewriter from your suitcase at security. It is likely to get flagged if concealed, and also, TSA workers have to deal with so much annoying and un-fun stuff, they LOVE getting to see an antique typewriter in real life! I’ll even write a poem for a curious worker if I’m not late and there isn’t a huge line (which is rare, tbh)
Write poems for people while you wait in the terminal. It’s a great way to make friends, and makes the time waiting to board fly by (pun intended hehe).
The DON’Ts
DO NOT check your typewriter!!! I cannot state this emphatically enough. Even if you are traveling with a clunker and have 3 layovers, if you don’t want to have it repaired immediately upon landing, don’t risk it. This includes gate-checking. If an attendant forces you to gate-check, remove your machine from your bag and carry it aboard. Basically, “pry this from my cold dead hands” is the mentality. I learned the hard way once; thankfully the little Hermes Baby was repaired.
Do not type while in the plane. Sorry, most of you probably don’t need to be told this, but I did. It is very scary for folks to hear the usually-charming sound of a mechanical clack clack clack while enclosed in a metal tube in the sky. Whoops!
By Bus + Train
The DOs
Use your typewriter as a seat or a table! Some of my collector purist friends might not like this recommendation, but I can’t tell you how often I’ve had to wait for a bus on the side of the road and a larger more sturdy typewriter case has made the perfect stool. (Again please use your discretion here) And it’s a wonderful laptop table for journaling, dining, playing solitaire…
Keep your typewriter above you or at your feet. We know she is very special to you, but she does not need her own seat on a crowded passenger vehicle, even if she is a priceless heirloom or the key to your life’s work.
The DON’Ts
Don’t check or place your typewriter underneath the vehicle. Keep your machine in sight at all times if possible, especially if on a bus or traveling overnight.
As tempting as it is, avoiding typing in your seat. Sometimes it’s okay, and definitely not as big of a faux pas as on a plane, but the best place to type is in the café or dining car of a train! Highly recommended way to feel like you are a mysterious character in an old movie.
By Car + Boat
The DOs
Keep your typewriter secure. In a trunk, lay your typewriter on it’s side flat, snugly between other luggages so it doesn’t slide and flop around. I’ve been on a few bumpy car rides where it sounded like there was a dead body back there and she needed a little tuneup upon arrival.
Write poems for other passengers in the car or boat! I started doing this with my old company and I got wrote up in the New York Times for it, and I still do it often - for some reason typewriter sounds are not scary in a car, but do make sure the other passengers and driver are cool with it.
Close your trunk all the way before driving. Especially if it’s a hatch back. Double especially if you are crossing the Golden Gate Bridge. Don’t ask.
The DON’Ts
Don’t expose your typewriter to water. Taz made an exception here that I’m totally fine with, but if you are not this cool, don’t bother.
Don’t leave your machine out in the hot hot sun. I don’t know if this actually can damage the machine, but I tell you it is very scary to touch a metal typewriter after an hour in a convertible.
DON’T let your driver or captain read your poems or try to “play with the typewriter” while driving. I… let’s just say there is a reason I have to include this warning.
By Bike
The DOs
Do try this! It’s actually so fun to bike with a typewriter. And also, just putting this out there, I would LOVE to create a custom haiku bike where we could serve up poetry on wheels all over the country, so big brands looking to activate at festivals, summer events, street fairs, or anywhere on the move, please hit me up and let’s make this happen.
Keep the typewriter as centered as possible. Riding along with it on your side, or hooked onto one handle, is a great way to veer off into oblivion.
Consider wearing your typewriter on your back. In a backpack, or a tote looped through both arms, as opposed to in a basket, is actually the best way to go. Even though a hard typewriter case may not be the most comfortable on your spine if you are doing a more athletic ride, it reduces jostling, and keeps you the most nimble.
The DON’Ts
Do not set your typewriter in a basket and expect it to stay there. Strap it in, and even better, put some padding like a sweater or blanket underneath it so it doesn’t get so jostled.
Don’t type and ride at the same time. I am a stupid, stupid person who takes too many dares.
Don’t forget your helmet!
By Horse
The DOs
Make sure your horse is a literary type like you. A poet should not ride a basic… breed.
Do buy or rent me a horse so I can try this. I am going to Kentucky from 11/23-12/1, can anyone help me make this happen?
The DON’Ts
Don’t tell me I can’t try writing poems while astride a horse. It will only make me more determined to do it. I’m sure Emily Dickinson tried it multiple times.
By Foot
The DOs
Honestly, by foot is easy. If I have to carry a very heavy machine for a long time (I hate paying for cabs haha) I make sure to switch arms periodically and will even do bicep curls. Not joking.
Try out various tote bags, backpacks, and wheeled bags. Though if you are using a wheeled bag definitely put your clothes or something soft beneath to absorb impact.
Consider carrying two typewriters instead of just one. It balances out the weight. It’s fun to swing them back and forth as you walk too.
Always have a cup of coffee in your free hand. It’s just science.
The DON’Ts
Don’t put your typewriter in a tote bag and carry it on one side for weeks on end. My acupuncturist and masseuse know why.
Don’t forget your typewriter everywhere you go. Though luckily, so few people even recognize what a typewriter box is that 9 times out of 10 you can go back to the place you left it 10 minutes to 10 days later and it will be in exactly the same spot, staring balefully up at you.
Don’t ask your fiancé to carry your typewriter for you. They find it very annoying.
In conclusion, I highly recommend traveling with a typewriter. It is my favorite thing to do, and I plan to do it for the rest of my life. And if you have not received a custom poem as a unique party favor at an event before, what are you waiting for? Email me, text me, call me on my cell phone right now, and I’ll make it happen for you. It’s the perfect creative entertainment for holiday parties, conferences, weddings, and any event where human beings want to connect, which is all events, btw.
Much love,
LAMARKS
lamarks@arspoetica.us // (646) 481-0652