Kiki’s Queer Guide to Spiritual Growth this Winter
In the week leading up to the winter solstice of 2019, I gave queer, intuitive readings to guests of NO BAR each evening. In this post, I’ll share:
Some highlights from my readings that may prompt reflection and growth for you this winter season
Why solstices and seasons matter to us both physically and spiritually
My spiritual connection with chicken nuggets
What’s so special about the solstice?
Contrary to what I used to think, solstices are not just some spooky ooky celebration for new age people. Solstices and equinoxes have provided practical knowledge for agricultural societies around the world, guiding when to plant, harvest, and prepare their lives for the coming season. In case you didn’t pay attention in earth science class: solstices (June 21 & Dec 21) mark the moments when the sun is angled most toward one of the earth’s poles, and equinoxes (March 21 & Sep 21) when the sun is angled onto the equator.
Channeling Lil Kim’s “Hard Core” era in The Standard Hotel’s snowy garden. Photo by @wlodarczyk
Today, we live in a world that is industrialized to the point where, if you’re reading this article, you probably don’t ~need~ to be conscious of the passing seasons aside from knowing whether it’s tank top or trench coat weather. But, from a Slugqueen’s perspective, there’s always something we can learn by observing our natural ecosystem and reflecting on how we can apply its wisdom to our lives. And it’s not just me that thinks that — there are spiritual and symbolic meanings that have been associated with the solstices since forever.
Cards from the Slugqueen Deck, designed by Kiki & illustrated by @mim_pizarro
In pagan cultures, the winter solstice is recognized as the darkest night of the year, followed by the rebirth of the sun which grows stronger every day. In Christianity this is the time when the birth of Jesus the messiah is celebrated. In the Gregorian calendar it (more or less) marks the start of a new year. All of these traditions prompt us to consider what new beginnings may emerge in our lives from this new light, and what we want to leave behind in the darkest night.
Object reading with @rickybla at NO BAR. Photo by @nietodickens
What’s a Queer Reading?
My practice of queer readings is a one-on-one, intuitive reading where we draw insight and guidance from either a handful of everyday objects you have with you, or from my original deck of 12 cards. I gave readings during a week-long residency at NO BAR in December, leading up to the winter solstice. You can read more about queer readings and why I do them in this post.
Nuggets: a food, a mood, a muse.
When I was considering how to share some highlights and takeaways from my residency, I decided to follow the same approach that I use during a reading: by starting with what’s personal. I asked myself, what were the most impactful experiences from my time at NO BAR? Something immediately rushed into my mind and body. And that something was... chicken nuggets. Listen, if you’ve never had the chicken nugs at NO BAR, I don’t think you truly know the meaning of the word “tender”. I feel like they must have a full-time staff member in the kitchen who’s just massaging that chicken meat all day to make it so damn soft and juicy. So. Fucking. Good.
Drawing inspiration from these golden little morsels, I’ve decided to share highlights from my residency in nugget format: meaning, platters of paraphrased quotes that came up during the readings, categorized by theme, for you to munch on. Keep in mind that these nuggets were all spoken in the context of one-on-one conversations, and are not statements I believe are universally applicable to everyone. Take whatever resonates with you and consider how you might integrate these questions and concepts into your journey through this winter!
Reading from the Slugqueen Deck with queer priest and activist Liz Edman. Photo by @wesparnell
FAMILY NUGGETS: for people who feel disconnected from their given/biological family
“Genetically, we carry qualities of our ancestors that may not be expressed in other members of our family. So being the black sheep might mean you’re more connected to certain traits and qualities of your ancestors. Leaning into those qualities might challenge your family to grow, and might even hold some unexpected pathways for healing. It can be messy, like, REALLY messy, but trust your intuition and don’t doubt your differences because there’s power in them.”
“On one hand, your parents are just two people that fucked and had you. What if you let them off the hook a bit? Would lowering the expectation also lower some of the pain?”
“Creating boundaries can provide safety and protection, but can also put up a wall that limits where intimacy can flow through. Are there any walls you’re holding onto that you could try letting this person see or even stand behind?”
“It sounds like you’re in a stalemate with this person. Are you willing to settle for engaging with this relationship on other levels where you can more easily show love to each other? And just say “we’re not gonna go there” to the places that you can’t find common ground?”
Reading from the Slugqueen Deck. Photo by @nietodickens
DATE NUGGETS: for people who haven’t found a partner and are wondering if the ‘right’ person even exists.
“Have you asked yourself what exactly you want out of dating, or from a partner? Try to literally list out those things on a piece of paper. Writing things down forces us to get specific and you might find there are some things you can ask for in some of your existing relationships. Others might be qualities you can focus on developing within yourself instead of looking for in another person. Whatever things are left on the list will give you a much clearer and narrower idea of what you’re expecting or needing from a partner, which might make it easier to find.”
“I read this on a meme, and it seemed super radical but also like a great idea. It basically said, what if we asked our friends for physical intimacy more often? Like cuddling while watching a movie? Physical touch and intimacy does not have to equate to sexual intimacy.”
Nuggets with a side of @yannikatthedisco
“Be real with yourself and consider if there are any insecurities that you’re looking to have validated by a partner. We are social beings so on one hand, receiving validation from others can be the support we need, but on the other hand it has the potential to turn your insecurities into a rollercoaster of highs and lows that are even more out of your control. Just make sure you’re keeping all that in check.”
“Our comfort zone is sometimes the biggest hurdle that keeps us from getting what we deeply need. Are there any familiar behaviors or patterns that quench your appetite and keep you settling for a lesser version of what you really want? Even just recognizing those patterns and being aware of it when it’s happening can be really empowering, without even trying to change them. A friend of mine actually tracks problematic behaviors on her calendar with an orange dot to better notice and understand her triggers and patterns.”
PASSION NUGGETS: for people trying to figure out how to take their project to the next level
“As your project grows bigger, so will its influence and impact on other people. This comes with a responsibility to consider the ways in which you can invite others from your community into the work. Maybe this winter is a time to consider: who are those people? It may complicate things, but it will also bring new possibilities you may not have imagined. Embrace it for the sake of the work. Your goal is to make this bigger than just you, so make sure you’re not doing it all alone.”
“Winter encourages us to work from the inside out and reflect on where our desires are rooted so that we can better nurture them. Are there any areas of your life that bring you joy that you’re neglecting? What things brought you the most joy as a child? What if you prioritized that thing in some way and trust that it will find a way to integrate and expand across your life if you give it some light?”
“Put the vape down.”
“Think back on a difficult chapter of your life. What was it that enabled you to get through that phase, and what were the things that kept you in that phase longer than you wanted to be? What learnings from that experience can deepen the work you’re doing now?”
Photo by @nietodickens
Three things I loved most about my residency at NO BAR:
Diversity: because NO BAR is within The Standard Hotel, there was a diverse range of people who stopped by for a reading. People of all ages (21+ obvi), queer and straight, locals and visitors, all sat across from me in what felt like a real crossroads of different paths, all converging at my little booth.
Experimentation: Being in the same space for multiple days with a lovely, supportive staff was really grounding for my work. I’m always trying new things in my readings and following my intuition, and felt comfortable being able to play and try out different approaches.
Perfect Timing: By the time I finished my happy hour readings, the night was just getting started, which meant I was able to bring readings to other spaces later in the evening. I gave readings at Susanne Bartsch’s KUNST (where I read the legendary Amanda Lepore!) and The Get Down’s final rave of the decade.
Queer Readings at KUNST by Susanne Bartsch with @joeexclamation, @im_linux, @empty.pools, @amandalepore, @sea_zeda.diary, @brandon.leffew
I’m booking Queer Readings for events from March 21 - April 21 (and making pride plans for June!)
Let me just say, I truly love to give Queer Readings. In 15 minutes, a reading transforms two total strangers into allies working together towards growth and healing. In addition to the space my readings provide for others, I too am constantly growing and learning from these deep-but-brief conversations and am grateful for the opportunity to be doing this work. Hit me up on Instagram @kikislugqueen or email lamarks@arspoetica.us to ask about booking Queer Readings at your event!
XO, Kiki Slugqueen
